“The Birds and the Screens:” How to Approach Internet Safety and Digital Awareness with Your Kids

By Victoria Andrey

Every so often, I see a new article pop up with some clickbait title like “The Newest Social Media App That Parents Should Be Worried About!” These sensationalized articles sometimes motivate parents to act rashly, banning their kids from whatever social media app is in the news or monitoring their every move online, often without so much as a proper conversation about it. 

Personally, I’ve noticed some unsavory effects. Often, a cat-and-mouse-game ensues, where parents chase but never catch their teens as they flit from one social media platform to another. Other times, the outcome is more authoritarian: parents gain a lot of control and knowledge about what their kids are up to, in turn teaching them how to hide their digital activity all too well.  

Both of these methods breed fighting and resentment, and neither are effective when it comes to actually communicating important information about digital safety.    

To be clear, parents should be concerned about their kids’ digital lives. Tweens and teens interact with a vast amount of digital media which all pose different safety challenges, from privacy to cyberbullying to sex ed. The tricky part is that internet usage and social media interaction have become unavoidable in the digital age, whether parents like it or not. 

In the 21st century, a discussion about internet safety has become as necessary as the “birds-and-the-bees.” Luckily, Digital safety experts recommend something similar to the sex talk: the tech talk. 

During a tech talk, a parent discusses proper web etiquette and safety with their child, tween, or teen. Both the parent and child work to compromise on rules, guidelines, and consequences that help to govern the child’s digital behavior. 

Most importantly, the core of a successful tech talk is empathetic listening and communication from both parties.   

It can be a bit intimidating and uncomfortable to sit down and talk directly with your kids about serious internet safety concerns, especially when your perspectives inevitably differ on topics. Still, parents can breathe a little easier than the clickbait articles make it seem. While internet safety is still a major concern, data suggests that Gen Z are more naturally equipped to handle internet safety concerns than any other generation. 

That doesn’t make the conversation any less important to have, and just like the sex talk, parents shouldn’t rely on their child’s school or peers to do the work for them. I encourage all parents to do their own research on digital awareness, but here are some resources to start with:

• From Fatherly: The Parent’s Guide To Internet Safety

  • This Fatherly article is a great place to start if you are completely clueless. It provides plenty of context on internet issues and shares tips for how to have a tech talk.  

• From the American Psychological Association (APA): Health advisory on social media use in adolescence

  • If you are looking for more in-depth context on the pitfalls and harmful effects of social media, this article from the APA is for you. They also provide broad recommendations for how to support kids  in the social media age. 

• From Verizon: How an internet safety expert (really) talks with her tweens about internet safety | Featured News Story | Verizon 

  • Written by a mom who is also an internet safety expert, this short feature from Verizon is a must-read for the tactics of an internet safety talk. It includes valuable pieces of advice like “it is ok to change your mind” and “try to understand what else may be going on,” among other things.

Ultimately, the outcomes of these conversations depend on your initiative and approach as the parent. 

You will still run into screen-related problems with your teen or tween. You will probably still fight and disagree about which apps they can be on, or what posting behavior is appropriate for their age. They definitely won’t think you’re cool for making them talk with you about a topic they have more knowledge on. 

What will happen, should you put in the effort, is that your teen or tween will know where you are coming from, and respect that you are trying to understand their perspective. You will be able to rest a little easier knowing that they have more digital awareness. Perhaps most of all, they will be less likely to hide things from you, and more likely to come to you with problems or questions.